a swig of authentic life (from my old neglegted blog)

i hardly even recall my other alter ego, that ghost from the past called sic ’em, saint!. and funny thing this marriage. it makes me recall how bad i was at relationships back when i was young and clueless. now that i am old and (still) clueless, i have learned to let reason prevail. that’s why we signed on that document: to let practical economics take its course in conjugal living. right, chief?

i still carry proof of my bad (or imaginary) relationship skills, though. through some entries in my own old neglegted blog,  i’m too ashamed to even read myself.

a swig of authentic life (may 2004)

four days and counting since we terminated whatever little was left of our relationship. there were no eyes brimming with tears nor breath held in anxiety to accompany the momentous minute we decided to quit. it wasn’t poetic. i was sitting on a makeshift cushion on the raised portion by the ramp going to our company’s bank affiliate. there was lucky strike in between my fingers and i counted three more joints before wish stick. it was a cross-breed between argument, lecture and curse. all in all a decent conversation. i might have sounded defensive, but i was generally within bounds of reason, i suppose. clients glanced, but didn’t stare. agency leaders hurled the usual insipid jokes at staff who sit alone away from worktables. the security guard found nothing out of the ordinary. i was always there anyway.

this morning i didn’t report for work. the sadness was beginning to seep into me. funny it took four days. i woke up with a start, surfacing from a dream that a president had been proclaimed at the grandstand. the image stuck ’til daylight, but issues of national interest could hardly shake me away from this budding drama. so i got up with a flourish to sms everyone at work that i’m not showing up today, to which they all replied a concise “k”. i love my officemates. they probably think i’m sick, but i didn’t forward an explanation and neither did they ask for one.

to give added impetus to my brewing wrath, i let both cats in and gazed emotionless while the orange one trimmed its claws on the furniture upholstery and the white one pilfered sardines from the breakfast table. if job the pug asserts himself today, i think i’d shove him with a little extra force than usual.

it rained at 8, so I was spared from the thankless task of watering plants. i took the bike out for a ride in the shower. it wasn’t that “insane thing you do after a breakup” kind of act. i do ride in the rain because that meant stray dogs are off the street and i’d have the subdivision all to myself. but today i seriously wondered if the denr truck would hit me at the curb. just wondered.

when i parked the bike back at the porch, i was glad to see that daisies have reared their buds from the foliage. it reminded me that i had to do my own laundry today. which i did.

gives me visions of hiding under the sheets today.


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