white flag

here i am again, with this some kind of feeling. a compound of anxiety and hopelessness to create a new substance: existential boredom. not that i’m not contended with what i’ve been doing, nor am i complacent with what’s been happening. it’s just another day when i concede defeat in the face of another resounding turn of events.

you didn’t have to insist on the subject when i clearly regret having brought it up. and you should know by now that i always mean what i say. i neither embellish nor subtract details in sorry attempts to preserve my ego: you just have to believe me when i say no. and while your sarcasm shines forth, i wish you don’t lash out like that when i couldn’t figure out which statements are earnest and which ones i can poke fun at. i was surprised, honestly. especially during a moment of mental turbulence, i don’t think i have enough energy to sift through your witticisms. i will surely not use the word “scald” for a long time yet. so please, a little sensitivity.

i don’t blame you though. you’re not biologically bound to the same worries. you can be a prick about these things and you can summon any express excuse from a whole spectrum of excuses, conveniently laid out before you in display cases only the likes of you can reach. while the likes of me parry the blows as they crash.

i am being unfair. you’re not a prick. just a little insensitive when the going got tough. i would expect the behavior from the other douche, but hey, that’s how he was spun. i would still like to believe you were spun better than that.

anyhow, i am sorry for the inconvenience i may have caused (this statement again?!). this time, it will surely not happen again because the night is over. new day, new troubles. i’d rather not recycle the same problems.

ok, so that was infinitesimally smaller than should warrant the white flag. yes, i am being unfair for having flung the guilt at you. but what have i got to lose? we don’t have too much at stake to begin with. better turn back while the skillet’s still warming up. nobody wants to get burned.

just think this is self-preservation, if it would make us both feel better. that’s the essence of survival.

so, av, i give up. it’s been nice, but the emotional aftermath is just too tough to handle. but i mean it when i say it’s been nice. a little sad, but no regrets. see you around!

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