i am so sorry.

it all starts with awareness. then you steel yourself for the onslaught of wicked emotions you would want to poison off if feelings were rodents and explanations were venom. there are days when emotional dependence becomes that monstrous hand that drags you into a rut of self-deprecation and urges of wanting to bash your head in.

yesterday was that day for me. i knew i would mess it up somewhere. it had all the ingredients to foster self-destructive behaviour and that was exactly how it evolved into a marathon of insecurities and past mistakes. after trying so hard to make myself noble. it only takes one sliver, one thin crack to break. there was the usual montage of dire circumstances, consequential misfortunes and, of course, the feigned strength of persons falling apart one appendage at a time. it was probably the lowest i could go.

all those words, like pus that has accumulated in a boil and finally spewed forth in a tirade of viscous self-pity.

the remorse is unbearable. and the pain only a criminal can understand.

i am deeply sorry for the inconvenience.

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3 Responses to “i am so sorry.”


  1. 1 Dubioz Don May 2, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    Hola! I decided to browse your site again so I could put your feed in the new Flock browser so I never miss your posts. Did you disable feeds for your blogs? I can only find the feed for your comments.

  2. 2 dubioz May 4, 2008 at 5:04 am

    Found it na. Anyway, you TC.

  3. 3 kpriss May 4, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Is there a way you could led us in to finding out the tragedy? Or we’re supposed to wait and let things go by?.. sorry.. just thinking that if writing would help getting things off your chest, maybe you should take it all the way…?


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