this is so the drama

march 1. he texts me to invite me to his wedding in june. apparently a pathetic attempt to make me feel jealous. sorry no cigar. so he lets his secretary call me up to ask me again. she goes on to tell me that the girl is tall and gorgeous, like a beauty queen. she is in labor with their child, 7cm dilation. obviously his words. i ask her to kindly relay the message to her boss: go to hell.

he has dinner with elite showbiz couple in a swanky hotel. they all laugh at my daughter’s photo. i curse the showbiz couple: they’re faces will be mangled beyond recognition in a freak accident.

march 2. his staff tells me we should meet somewhere. i’m cool with that. but around the time we planned to meet, she texts that she can’t extricate herself from the guy’s company. she’s with him and his fiance, looking at houses in this high-end village. they are going to purchase the eight-bedroom, with swimming pool, with tennis court, some sort of mansion. again, obviously his words. i tell her to relay this message: i am not impressed, son of a bitch.

later at night she warns me that the fiance’s father works for the department of justice and they’ll come for me. they even have bodyguards. oh yeah, so what? like that empty threat would work on me. please relay this message: bring it on, scumbag.

march 8. the clearly distraught fiance suddenly calls me up. am i supposed to gasp here? she discovers many things that no decent, mortal woman should endure while pregnant (yes, she’s still in the first trimester, fuck 7cm dilation last week, what a bunch of amateurs). and i also discover that what they’ve been telling me (above) are all a pack of lies. hey, fiance girl, he even invited me to your wedding. how’s that for sport?

she calls me a few more times. in the background i hear him yell at her. he calls me himself in between all this. in this background, i hear her yell at him. i begin to wonder, how on earth does she put up with him? why does she put up with him?

well, she was unbelievably kind though. then she says she wants to see the kid. i think, what for? so i made all sorts of eloquent yet kind statements, altogether with a bottom line of forget it.

march 10. he texts me some incredibly lowdown statements at dawn. i reply with equally lowdown words as soon as i get up.

he lets his secretary call me in the morning to relay his verbal harassment. i tell her she’s just as bad for following her boss’ idiotic orders. now don’t pretend you’re concerned because you’re a liar just the same. now, beat it. my life is quiet, don’t make a mess of it.

the entire day the guy and i volley fusillage of ascerbic comments. all of them below the belt. now why don’t i be the mature one in all this? because i intend to be mean too.

to break the blows, i text the fiance to kindly tell her husband to stop bugging me and get a life. he is insignificant to us so he better just shut up. we don’t give a damn about his money, he can take them all to hell where he belongs.

so with the ensuing of this drama, eddie murphy lost a fan in me. and i’m rooting whole-heartedly for melanie brown. 


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