living post-mortem no. 1

so there it was, another week gone by too slow. call clients, set appointments, present OD tools, report status, monitor progress, sign contracts, post billing, and on and on and on. i have ceased to be motivated by incentives. pep talks provide very little encouragement. heck, even a mad tirade of pushy words have lost potency. and this has been going on for half a year.

have i become complacent?

i am simply in the wrong environment. as are most people i know. working their asses off in jobs they don’t like. working for money rather than self-fulfillment.

unfulfilled. that’s exactly how most of us feel right now.

but i am not complaining. the biggest lesson i have learned…er, make that forged for myself in the past six months is the one that keeps me from staring into the abyss at night. that life is what you make it. which is why my job is not even among my existential priorities. and it should never be. i do it only for the provisions. authentic life is built outside marketing strategies, beyond balance scorecards and swot analyses. it has always been my belief that a job is auxiliary only to what makes you whole.

my real objectives are not written in business plans.

remember, your authentic life happens after friday.


8 Responses to “living post-mortem no. 1”

  1. 1 ton July 10, 2007 at 8:09 am

    and yet it still manages to harangue and trouble you… hmmm… what sort of unimportance is that…

  2. 2 tessa July 10, 2007 at 8:44 am

    what harangues me? i just have to finish the courses i’m taking, take my post-grad and it’s off to fulfillment street 😛

  3. 3 ton July 11, 2007 at 3:33 am

    if i had a penny for every person i met who had that same plan….

    what i’m saying is, your work affects you more than you’d like to admit…. despite it not being one of your existential priorities…

  4. 4 banzai cat July 11, 2007 at 4:46 am

    well, just as long as the work doesn’t affect other spheres of consideration in your life, it should be okay i.e. just as long as you can hold on ’til you’re done. 🙂

    for example, hated my time in corporate and this leaked over to other aspects of my life. in this case, i had a tendency to overspend to de-stress. once i was out, it didn’t become a problem… that much, anyway. 😉

  5. 5 cornerseat July 12, 2007 at 2:32 am

    aha, there’s the rub ton… my personal goals are affecting my work, not the other way around hehe… i have my shortcomings… 😛

    banzai cat, i know the feeling exactly. but i have learned my lesson 🙂

  6. 6 ayen July 21, 2007 at 3:49 pm

    in my previous job, days came when i went through the motions of having to deal with people (i’m not a people person, really)–my supervisor, other writers, inter-office stuff. I used to like doing those things–like brainstorming writing projects, listening to my boss how he wants someone’s speech done (the between-the-lines clues are actually more important). then, just as office relations decayed (due to politics, as usual) i loved it that my masters classes provided me with a secret life i could never share with my officemates, even if i wanted to. their peephole approach to life barred them from seeing the sparkling weirdness i saw and loved.

    that got me going. so i still went though the office stuff, but without the venom (when it came to discussing unfair treatment and all) and without the flooding-obvious enthusiasm (when it came to writing projects), but just with a small grin.

    glad i resigned from that office. i’m now less stressed and i have more time to take on other writing jobs and to finish short stories.

  7. 7 ayen July 21, 2007 at 3:53 pm

    “authentic life is built outside marketing strategies, beyond balance scorecards and swot analyses. it has always been my belief that a job is auxiliary only to what makes you whole. my real objectives are not written in business plans.”

    you remind me of jean-paul sartre (‘people are living in bad faith’), dilbert’s workplace sarcasm (‘yey! life!’) , the fight club film (‘we are not our jobs!’).

    nice. 😀

  8. 8 cornerseat July 24, 2007 at 6:21 am

    hi ayen, i could not agree with you more on having a secret life outside of the office. it’s the one thing that makes me feel like the world is all right.

    thank you very much for the sartre, dilbert, durden comparison. they do have three of the most admirable perspectives in the world. 🙂

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