Filed under: thinking
last friday, i asked my baby daddy, “do you think i’d be wasting money if i buy a new book? i mean, just one?”
to which he replied with another question, “what do you need it for?”
“i need to be inspired,” was the most truthful answer i can muster.
“ok,” he said, “whatever adds to your knowledge is a good investment. it’s not a waste of money.”
what he doesn’t understand is: i will not be inspired by a book which, by convention, adds knowledge. with a baby on the way, he would have mildly objected to my purchase of a work of fiction, no matter the numerous blurbs proclaiming its life-altering potential and that it was on sale despite the bestseller status. what he doesn’t know is: i have many other books whose pages have yet to see the light of day. if he had known this, he would have loudly protested my purchase, the demon of practicality that he is.
there is something about getting a book, as opposed to having a book. a chord stirs in me whenever the cash register rings a new purchase, whenever the clerk hands me the item that only a second ago was not even rightfully my own. with a smile and a rustle, she utters the customary spiel of gratitude and cordial invitation to come again, and in my mind i clearly state thank you and yes, i will come again.
i am reasonably certain that i am not the only one with such a wanton habit of hording more books than one can read.
there is something about a new book that makes me feel everything will be all right. bound within are the possibilities of making life a little better. there is both comfort and thrill in the awareness that i now possess something that can revolutionize the way i look at the world, that the thoughts of a creative mind, a genius, a wise man have been arrested on paper and have made their way into my hands by commercial destiny. and this power is mightiest when the book is new. once it has been shelved unread (or partially read) for periods longer than a few days, latent but loyal, the power is depleted, though its possibilities do not change. maybe it is i who change. maybe the few dormant days have brought in a few experiences that erase the recognition of that power and i am ushered towards some other form of inspiration.
and that other form is always another new book.
any cure?
Filed under: profundity
an excerpt of an entry in jeanette winterson’s column:
Some days are like this – nothing really gets done and what does get done is pointless. Then, out comes a poem or a cat, or a flower, or a sunburst, or even a good piece of cheese, and the tilted world rights.
I admit it, I am struggling with my life at the moment – not my work life or my inner life, but the how to manage the incessant ignorant demands of senseless life. The bureaucratic nosy-parker form-filling time-wasting email-crazy, texting nightmare, junk sham of life that technology has locked us into. I seem to have spent all day today talking to Call Centres, arranging paperwork for VAT returns, filing receipts, checking out travel data, and it’s the mental equivalent of stuffing your face with Big Macs.
read the rest of it: http://www.jeanettewinterson.com/pages/content/index.asp?PageID=456
(i keep notes of thoughts and things i learn from observing people, reading books and watching tv. here are a few on a general topic)
mean girls and insecurity
arrogance may be a mask to shield insecurities. because behind all the things they brag about, there may be nothing there.
yet many girls struggle to be accepted by, and even belong to, the group of mean girls. that’s because they seem to wield the most power, garner the highest popularity. you should know that, for the most part, mean girls put other people down because that is their means by which to conceal their insecurities: pushing others down in order to bring themselves up. in effect, trying to fit into their group may not be to your personal advantage: instead of rubbing off their “power” on you, they rub off their insecurities. (they’re only “power” is putting people down. that’s it. get over it)
anger
a girl’s show of anger may just be a translation of pain and aching. you see, anger is commonly seen as a manifestation of power, so it is often used as an act to cover up a deep-seated hurt. because society does not look kindly upon showing sadness, and breaking into tears is always equated with vulnerability.
so when you get angry, you ought to look more closely into yourself and try to uncover what it is exactly that makes you ache.
so sad, sad, sad.
peer pressure
(in relation to drugs and alcohol) it’s not always that we succumb to peer pressure because we are tempted towards the effects of drugs and alcohol. a lot of times, we give in because we don’t want to alienate ourselves from those who engage in it. we all long for a sense of belongingness.
on the other hand, a lot of girls find it difficult to refuse because they don’t want to seem as if they are trying to be “better” than those who take the substance. it’s a tough dilemma.
“replacement theory”
many times girls succumb to the pressures of a wrong crowd because they may have no other group of friends to “replace” them with. and identifying with a group is one fo the most significant factors in a girl’s life.
“you complete me”
many girls swooned at that line from jerry maguire and have even waited for the perfect opportunity to deploy that statement in real life.
they should realize that a person should be complete by herself, and must not rely on somebody alse to make them whole. a significant other should only serve to “add more” to a life that is already complete to begin with. ”supplement”, not “complement”.
Filed under: thinking
i have been tagged by lory for this.
1. i pick up (or stop to pet) stray cats. constantly. have been doing so since i was eight. whether i am with somebody or on my own.
2. i am deadly afraid of ghosts. and i mean manically. a full-blown phobia. a clinical case. i have seen a few scary movies, read a few ghost stories, watched a few documentaries on paranormal activity when i was younger. i don’t think i have gotten over the fear ever since. i have not watched nor read nor listened to anything scary for over ten years now (except the phenomenon that is the sixth sense, the annoying forwarded emails on mysterious occurences, witchcraft and apparitions, and the even more annoying prank emails that shock you with horrifying pictures that suddenly appear from seemingly innocent landscapes or song lyrics. i hate senders of these emails. curse you.). i whole-heartedly detest good friday and halloween, the two holidays known for ghoul-infested nights. i can’t even stand to watch TV on these seasons because of those silly “spooktacular” specials. oh please.
3. i hum tunes when i space out. so people next to me on the shuttle sometimes look quizzically at me (this morning, i hummed the fatboy slim remake of “signs”, originally by five man electrical band).
4. i count a lot. the number of steps it takes to get from where i step out of the shuttle to the office. the number of seconds i brush each portion of my set of teeth. the number of stalls in a flea market. the number of shoes on display. the number of seconds it takes me to wait in line to the toilet (then i divide the total number of seconds by the total number of people i had to wait for so i could come up with an average). the number of people on each pew within my range of vision (then i divide the total number of people with the number of pews so i could come up with an average).
5. i have the most bizarre sense of direction. i get lost in malls and office buildings. i surely get lost in streets. i have a pair of birthmarks on my left forearm; i used to refer to them to figure out where my left and my right sides are.
6. i intentionally step on dry leaves. because i like the sound and the sensation.
i tag jill.
so there it was, another week gone by too slow. call clients, set appointments, present OD tools, report status, monitor progress, sign contracts, post billing, and on and on and on. i have ceased to be motivated by incentives. pep talks provide very little encouragement. heck, even a mad tirade of pushy words have lost potency. and this has been going on for half a year.
have i become complacent?
i am simply in the wrong environment. as are most people i know. working their asses off in jobs they don’t like. working for money rather than self-fulfillment.
unfulfilled. that’s exactly how most of us feel right now.
but i am not complaining. the biggest lesson i have learned…er, make that forged for myself in the past six months is the one that keeps me from staring into the abyss at night. that life is what you make it. which is why my job is not even among my existential priorities. and it should never be. i do it only for the provisions. authentic life is built outside marketing strategies, beyond balance scorecards and swot analyses. it has always been my belief that a job is auxiliary only to what makes you whole.
my real objectives are not written in business plans.
remember, your authentic life happens after friday.
naming a child is no simple task. everybody wants something unique, creative, special. but we can’t give free rein to our imaginations, given all the factors we have to take into consideration:
1. socio-cultural. i have to ensure that the name does not stand for nor represent anything that might create uncomfortable social situations for him/her. when i was still a preschool teacher, we had a student named Magnolia. i felt very sorry for her when she tearfully told us that her classmates make fun of her because her name is “magnolia chicken, magnolia ice cream, etc.” i really like that name, though…
2. etymology. for all we know, that adorable, fun, creative, unusual name means something vile, vulgar and derogatory in some dead foreign language. which reminds me of an ex-co-worker named Nemesis. i wonder what his parents were thinking? english isn’t even a dead language yet…
3. practicality. will the name give him/her a tough time learning how to spell it in preschool? is it so long, it would make accomplishing legal forms a very arduous process? when he/she calls with inquiries or complaints, will he/she have to spell the name out for the call center representative? will others be able to pronounce it correctly the first time?
4. significance. i would like a name reminiscent of something special to me. perhaps a memorable event, a profound story, an admired person.
if it’s a girl: Robyn
if it’s a boy: Jack
